i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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