R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
