TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
two words: eviction party
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm like, not good at living.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
