Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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