then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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