I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
