i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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