So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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