it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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