you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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