Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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