so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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