We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
