I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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