I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
