I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize