Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
