I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
