Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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