Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
