D3 body, D1 cock
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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