I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
