You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
