Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I am morally bankrupt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
