Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
