if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
