Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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