i don't like sucking hair
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hello my rib-scented angel!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
