so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
