She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
