my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
