I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize