the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
