omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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