The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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