at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
