need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
