i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need a burrito and a hug.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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