Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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