I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
