maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize