I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
