I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
