Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
