I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
