shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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