im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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