My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
