you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
