She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
