i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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