i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
