So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
