WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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