ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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