If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
