Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
