i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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