She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
