Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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