OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
