There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
