I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
