Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
