i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
