She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
