either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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