I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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