"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
