just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
false alarm, still single
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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