Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
