Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
