hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
