see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I could fuck to npr.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
