man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
