Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
